Thoughts of a Survivor During Pregnancy After Infertility
Sunday, August 3, 2014
To the ones who are still waiting, hoping, and praying for their miracle... this is for you.
Believe it or not, "survivor's guilt" (for lack of a better description) is a real thing during pregnancy after infertility. At least it has been for me. Maybe I feel it more than most because I've been so open about my journey and as a result have come into contact with thousands of women who are waiting day after day for a miracle. Maybe it's because infertility changes you in a way that just can't be forgotten. Maybe it's even the occasional thought that someone else deserves a baby even more than I do. I mean... why have I been blessed with the gift of pregnancy while so many other amazing women are still waiting, praying, and begging God for their wombs to be filled?
Regardless of the why... the thought that I am one of the lucky ones has been something I've struggled with. Please don't get me wrong... I am thankful beyond belief to finally be carrying a healthy baby! I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am enjoying every minute of being pregnant and thank God often (but not nearly enough) for the precious life that is growing inside me.
The whole point of this post is so that the women out there that are still in the thick of fighting their battle with infertility know that you haven't been forgotten. I have thought of you every day since I got my good news. I still pray for you and I still feel your pain. You're not alone in your journey and you still have a voice on this blog. I know that you're happy for me, but that you're sad for you. And that's ok. I understand, because I've been there. I remember how it feels and I haven't forgotten that sting.
I feel so happy and blessed that I have been given the incredible opportunity to carry a life inside me... I truly hope that every one of you will be able to feel this same joy one day. Until then, I will weep with you, I will pray for you, and I will remember your pain.
I came across your blog from your Pin that read "And if not...He is still good." It was so moving to me for many reasons and it wasn't til I went back and looked at it a second time that I actually clicked on the link. I read your post from 10/16/13. Precious. We actually have walked the infertility journed and haven't every conceived. We adopted our daughter as a newborn 4 years ago and she's such a joy. But, like you posted, the stink of this, of not ever conceiving is still there. I don't know what the Lord has for us, but I know that "if not...HE is still GOOD! Amen! So thankful for His blessings in life, for the struggle and thankful for the journey and that I have Him to run to, when I have questions, when my heart hurts. Thankful that I can be overjoyed when one of my friends has the blessing of carrying a precious baby. I am constantly reminded that we all have a path to walk in life. A path that He directs, not us. His plan is better than any plan that I can come up with! Thank you for sharing your journey! I look forward to seeing your baby's sweet face!
This is such a lovely and beautiful post. I have followed your blog even before we found out about our fertility difficulties, so you have always been a source of encouragement...perhaps even more so now you are expecting! We have such a faithful God. Praying everything goes well and it won't be long until you meet your beautiful little girl!
This is so touching. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully stated :)
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog from your Pin that read "And if not...He is still good." It was so moving to me for many reasons and it wasn't til I went back and looked at it a second time that I actually clicked on the link. I read your post from 10/16/13. Precious. We actually have walked the infertility journed and haven't every conceived. We adopted our daughter as a newborn 4 years ago and she's such a joy. But, like you posted, the stink of this, of not ever conceiving is still there. I don't know what the Lord has for us, but I know that "if not...HE is still GOOD! Amen! So thankful for His blessings in life, for the struggle and thankful for the journey and that I have Him to run to, when I have questions, when my heart hurts. Thankful that I can be overjoyed when one of my friends has the blessing of carrying a precious baby. I am constantly reminded that we all have a path to walk in life. A path that He directs, not us. His plan is better than any plan that I can come up with! Thank you for sharing your journey! I look forward to seeing your baby's sweet face!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a lovely and beautiful post. I have followed your blog even before we found out about our fertility difficulties, so you have always been a source of encouragement...perhaps even more so now you are expecting! We have such a faithful God. Praying everything goes well and it won't be long until you meet your beautiful little girl!
ReplyDelete