Thoughts of a Survivor During Pregnancy After Infertility

Sunday, August 3, 2014

To the ones who are still waiting, hoping, and praying for their miracle... this is for you.

Believe it or not, "survivor's guilt" (for lack of a better description) is a real thing during pregnancy after infertility. At least it has been for me. Maybe I feel it more than most because I've been so open about my journey and as a result have come into contact with thousands of women who are waiting day after day for a miracle. Maybe it's because infertility changes you in a way that just can't be forgotten. Maybe it's even the occasional thought that someone else deserves a baby even more than I do. I mean... why have I been blessed with the gift of pregnancy while so many other amazing women are still waiting, praying, and begging God for their wombs to be filled?

Regardless of the why... the thought that I am one of the lucky ones has been something I've struggled with. Please don't get me wrong... I am thankful beyond belief to finally be carrying a healthy baby! I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am enjoying every minute of being pregnant and thank God often (but not nearly enough) for the precious life that is growing inside me.

The whole point of this post is so that the women out there that are still in the thick of fighting their battle with infertility know that you haven't been forgotten. I have thought of you every day since I got my good news. I still pray for you and I still feel your pain. You're not alone in your journey and you still have a voice on this blog. I know that you're happy for me, but that you're sad for you. And that's ok. I understand, because I've been there. I remember how it feels and I haven't forgotten that sting.

I feel so happy and blessed that I have been given the incredible opportunity to carry a life inside me... I truly hope that every one of you will be able to feel this same joy one day. Until then, I will weep with you, I will pray for you, and I will remember your pain.


An Announcement

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Hello, my bloggy friends! I have been absent for WAY too long. I've missed you all and am super happy to be back! To kick things off again here at Lovely Little Life I have a little announcement to make...

Photo Shoot by Tyler White Photography

Yes, it's true! I'm expecting! So far everything has been fine this time around, but please continue to pray that this miracle baby will keep growing strong! I am currently 16 weeks + 2 days... Baby H is due on December 23rd! I promise to share all the details and fill you in on how things are going very soon.

Thank you all for your support and prayers over the past two years! I am so blessed to have so many people cheering for me. Please know I appreciate every one of you and haven't forgotten that there are thousands of women still fighting the battle of infertility. I have had so many thoughts about that during this pregnancy... I promise to write again soon and share! 


Life Lately

Tuesday, March 4, 2014


Wow, it has been forever since I blogged! I just wanted to write a quick note to you all to let you know that no, I am not dead. I am alive and well! It has been a crazy past month for me... let me fill you in on a little bit of what's been happenin' so you don't feel like I'm purposely ignoring you. 

My husband and I went through yet another infertility treatment cycle last month... it was the first since our last miscarriage and by far the hardest yet. I wasn't 100% emotionally ready for it, and had no idea how much it would affect me physically. It was rough. Sadly it didn't result in a pregnancy... and I'll be honest, it was more difficult to deal with than usual since the cycle was so much more physically and emotionally intense.

Other than that it's just been regular day to day life stuff that has gotten in the way of blogging. I wish I were super woman and could do it all, but I'm SO not. I love the quote "You can do anything, but not everything." Wow - so true, right? So yeah... I do what I can and sometimes that means bloggy-land has to be put to the side for a few weeks.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in, say that I miss you, and see what you've all been up to lately! What kind of projects have you been working on? Please do share... I'm going through DIY withdrawals over here in the ice covered Midwest!

Things I'm Loving Thursday : Valentine's Day Crafts

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Have you started your Valentine's Day crafting yet? If not there is still plenty of time left to begin! Here are some of my favorite love day craft projects to help get your creative juices flowing. Ready... set... be inspired!

Love is in the Air Valentines
Valentine Embroidery Hoops
DIY Cupid Arrows
DIY Valentine Banner
Gold Heart Pinata
DIY Valentine Coasters


DIY Washi Tape Valentine's Day Cards

Monday, February 3, 2014

February is here, folks, so if you aren't already in full blown Valentine's Day mode then it is now officially time to do so! This weekend I whipped up some super simple Valentine's Day cards using one of my favorite crafting supplies... Washi Tape! It seriously has never been so easy to create custom Valentines. Here is what you'll need to make it happen:

- Blank cards
- Plain white cardstock or paper
- Washi Tape
- Something to cut out letters or shapes. You can use anything from a die cut machine, regular old scissors, an exacto knife, or scrapbook punches. Any of those will do fabulously!

So how does this work? Easy peasy - simply tape strips of washi onto the plain white cardstock or paper as pictured below.

Next, use your cutting tool of choice to cut shapes or letters within the strips of tape. Use double sided tape to secure your washi tape cut outs to the blank cards. And you're done!

What kind of Valentine's Day crafts do you plan to make this month? I would love to hear what is on your crafting to do list!

Things I'm Loving Thursday : Winter Soup Recipes

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

It has been COLD this winter here in the Midwest! I'm talking record breaking low temperatures, and it seems like the colder it gets the more I'm craving anything and everything that would help to stave away the chill - especially hot soups! I've found that I've been pinning soup recipes daily... so I decided I would share some of the recipes I'm itching to make.

Western Bacon Cheeseburger Soup
Creamy Potato and Ham Soup
Slow Cooker Minestrone Soup
Slow Cooker Enchilada Soup
Lasagna Soup
Copycat Panera Broccoli Cheese Soup
Crock Pot Cheesy Vegetable Soup
Roasted Tomato Soup with Goat Cheese
Cheesy Pepper Jack Potato Chowder

What soup recipes do you like to make during the winter? I would love to hear your favorites!


Washi Tape Blowout Sale

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Did you know I have an Etsy shop? Well, I do! It's called Bahana Splits Boutique. I sell baker's twine, washi tape, party supplies, handmade gift tags, and more. I just finished doing a small inventory and came to the realization that I have WAY too much washi tape in stock. It's seriously out of control so I'm going to do something I've never done before in order to reduce that inventory overage. For a limited time EVERY ROLL of washi tape is BUY 1 GET 1 FREE! 

Bahana Splits Boutique

This is how it works... if you purchase two rolls of tape, I'll refund the price of one roll (including shipping). If you buy twenty, I'll refund the price of ten, and there is no limit to how many B1G1 washi tapes you purchase! Make sense? If not, please do comment with questions! Oh, and this deal includes every roll of washi tape in my shop... not just the rolls pictured above.

Happy shopping! 


Things I'm Loving Thursday : DIY Winter Decor

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

It's been awhile since I wrote a "Things I'm Loving Thursday", you guys! I've missed it! This week I'm obsessing over winter inspired DIY home decor. I'm really into the natural rustic look this season... neutral colors with touches of greenery are kind of my favorite. So without further ado... here are a few of my current DIY winter decor crushes!



In Everything Give Thanks

Tuesday, January 14, 2014


>>> If you are new to Lovely Little Life and haven't read my story you may want to start HERE to get a little background on me and my journey before reading this post. <<<

To all my readers, 

The same is true of this post as is always when I talk about infertility. I have chosen to share this part of my life not to complain or gain pity, but rather as an attempt to be an encouragement to others who may be going through something similar or for that matter anyone going through trials. My ultimate goal is just to give the glory to God, and try let him use me during this time of testing. Thank you so much for visiting! I sincerely pray this blog is a blessing to everyone who reads it!


The Sunday before this past Thanksgiving our pastor opened the Bible to I Thessalonians 5:18. It's a verse I've heard at least a hundred times... it says "In everything give thanks." Our pastor started to talk about how the everything in this verse literally means everything... including trials & hardships in our lives. I had been going through the worst trial of my life for the last 16 months, and by God's grace I had finally made it to the point where I was thankful for it. Every word he said made sense to me. I was at peace with the fact that my life was going nothing like I planned, but that God was in control. During the invitation I bowed and prayed this prayer. "God, thank you for the past year and a half. I know you're in control and that you're doing what's best for me. No matter what happens I am going to be thankful. Whether you give us a baby or not, I will trust you." The next part of my prayer was even more specific. "God, if I am pregnant right now please take care of my baby. Please let me carry it full term. Please don't let me lose it, but God, if I AM pregnant and I DO lose the baby I'll still be thankful." I stood up, dried my eyes, and felt at peace. 

The next morning, I took a pregnancy test before leaving to spend a week in Virginia with my family for Thanksgiving. Neither Darren or I expected it to be positive. Since my periods are so sporadic I take pregnancy tests often... they are always negative. Except this test wasn't. I was pregnant!

There are no words to describe the feelings that followed that moment. The joy in my heart and gratitude I felt towards God consumed me. We immediately got on our knees and tearfully thanked Him for the life inside me and prayed that He would keep it safe. After we prayed, I had total peace and felt like God had finally blessed us for being faithful to Him during this time in our lives. My husband was struggling... he was worried about the baby. I kept pushing him to trust the Lord. I kept telling him that God had given us this baby and that He would take care of it.

We shared the news with my family once we made it to Virginia. There were tears of happiness... everyone was overjoyed! Darren bought a video camera on Black Friday to give to me at Christmas, but ended up giving it to me early so we could have it at the first ultrasound. When we got back to Indiana we used it to film his parents as we told them the news. That Sunday (the weekend after Thanksgiving) we shared our blessing with our pastor and asked him to pray with us. After talking with him Darren was able to let go of a lot of his worry and was at peace. We were both so in love with our baby... our hearts were full. 

And then like that our world changed... again. Sunday night I started to bleed. I had been here before. I knew it was over. 

I'm not going to try to describe what happened after that. Most will never be able to understand the grief we felt in that moment. It had been 16 months since our last pregnancy/miscarriage. We had given so much to create that little life. We had spent thousands of dollars on treatment, I had put my body through all sorts of medical procedures, we had sent up countless prayers, and had finally come to peace with it all. It was worth every penny, every tear, and every ounce of pain knowing we would finally hold a baby in our arms. And then... this??? 

Within hours of realizing our baby was gone, I remembered the prayer I prayed exactly a week before. You know... the one where I asked God to keep our baby safe, but that even if we lost it I would still be thankful? Yeah... that one. When I prayed that prayer, I thought I understood what it meant to be thankful in everything. I thought that message was meant for the trial that I was in at the time. I had no idea it was meant for this. I had no idea how much would happen in that week. But God did. He knew what I would need to get me through.

Looking back on the past month and a half, I'm thankful for His never ending grace. I'm thankful that no matter how bad it hurts, He won't let me be angry, He won't let me forget what I prayed, and He won't let me give up. There is nothing that can replace the trust I have in Him or the peace He has given me throughout the last year & a half. I don't understand why, and I'm not really ok, but I don't have to do this alone. For THAT I am thankful. 

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