Every woman is emotional. It's part of who we are... but when you add infertility and hormone medicine to the mix it's kind of scary to watch what kind of crazy feelings can just spew out at any moment. My poor husband... he doesn't know what's hit him half the time! These emotions can range anywhere from sadness, anger, denial, little to no self esteem, and more. Part of it is obviously attributed to the mental trauma of knowing that you may never bear children, but another part is completely physical. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). The definition is literally "a hormone imbalance that causes weight gain and depression". Lovely, right?! As if being infertile weren't enough let's just add being fat and depressed to the mix. Sounds perfect! Just go ahead and pour me a double of that, please. :)
And that's how I have to deal some days... I joke, I make fun, I laugh. Of course, I pray mostly... I know without my faith in God I wouldn't be able to have those moments of peace where I can laugh about it and know in my heart that it's gonna be ok. It probably sounds kind of awful that I'm saying I can laugh about my infertility... please know that I don't think infertility is "funny". It's not... it's horrible, but I decided a months ago that I wasn't going to let this thing define my entire life or who I am. That means at times I have to lighten up and make a joke about all of this so I don't lose my mind.
Everyone deals with negative emotions in their own way and if you're like me then you may even deal with them differently depending on the situation or day. Just know that it's ok to throw up your hands every once in awhile and say "Why I am taking this so seriously?". Some of the best advice I've received from women who have traveled the long journey of infertility and made it through the other side is this... "One day you'll wish you had worried less and laughed more." So laugh, smile, and keep going. You won't be in this stage forever.
Everyone deals with negative emotions in their own way and if you're like me then you may even deal with them differently depending on the situation or day. Just know that it's ok to throw up your hands every once in awhile and say "Why I am taking this so seriously?". Some of the best advice I've received from women who have traveled the long journey of infertility and made it through the other side is this... "One day you'll wish you had worried less and laughed more." So laugh, smile, and keep going. You won't be in this stage forever.
I can unfortunately relate. And I agree, the two most important things for me have been laughter and faith. There are times when my dear husband and I have to either laugh or cry and laughing feels lots better! Of course crying happens too sometimes and I've learned to accept that tears do not mean weakness. And sometimes the humor becomes a little bitter, but I think that's normal; we're dealing with a lot! Thanks so much for sharing. It's nice to hear others' stories and know that we are not alone!
ReplyDeleteI just started to develop hair loss with my PCOS. I am trying to find the humor, grace and beauty of it all. Your blog, on this slower than normal day of work, has been a God send!
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