Making lemonade. This topic has been on my heart a lot recently. Infertility is a lemon. I big fat bitter one. It is so hard to
imagine that anything good could come from such a painful time in our lives,
but I sincerely believe that the good is there. We just have to look for it.
Let me share a few of the ways I think we can make lemonade out of the lemon of
infertility.
Wait... before I start I just want to say that this post is meant for myself just as much if not more than it is meant for whomever reads it. I absolutely do NOT have it all figured out and I am by no means trying to "preach" my message. Just like you, it is a daily struggle for me to focus on the positive side of infertility. However, one thing that I've learned during this trial is that unless I zone in on the positives and focus on the blessings that God has given me versus the very few things that He hasn't then I am miserable. The only way I have personally been able find peace is to trust that He has a reason for all of this and to believe that I will be stronger for it. I love you ladies and just want to be an encouragement. I hope you know that. So here we go...
1.) Get better not
bitter.
Bitterness is probably the thing I have struggled with the most when it comes to infertility. It is so easy to let those thoughts creep into my mind... you know what I'm talking about. "Why is God doing this to me? Why would God give that lady a child when she doesn't even want it or isn't going to be a good mom? It's not fair that so-and-so gets pregnant without even trying and we have had to spend thousands of dollars and still have nothing to show for it." The more I let these thoughts run rampant the more angry and bitter I feel. Towards God, towards other women, towards people that don't understand what I'm going through, etc.
We have to make the choice to stop these thoughts and to focus our energy elsewhere. Instead we have to trust that God knew we could handle this and that He has a plan to make us better through this trial. He is trying to teach us, but if we are too busy being bitter He can't. Ladies, I am totally talking to myself on this one. I know this is HARD... but with God all things are possible. We can do it. Get better not bitter. You'll be thankful you did.
2.) Use infertility to strengthen your marriage.
Anyone who has gone through infertility knows that it can take a major toll on a marriage. It is a frustrating, heartbreaking, and emotional trial that can tear apart a relationship if you let it. Or it can make your bond even stronger. So strong that you can face anything together. How amazing would it be to walk out of the other side of this trial and still be holding hands? How good would it feel to know you're relationship is forever stronger because you stuck beside each other during the darkest times? I'd say that lemonade would taste pretty darn good.
3.) Be a blessing
to tired mamas.
There aren't many things that make me happier than cuddly babies, adorable toddlers, and energetic kids! One of my friends recently suggested to me that I should use that love of children to be a help to mamas who may need a kid free moment every once in a while. I'm not sure how I didn't think of it myself, but I'm really happy she wasn't afraid to suggest it! I think it is a fabulous idea and it's a win/win for everyone. I get my baby fix and the mamas get some much needed "me" time! I realize that not all of you are in a place emotionally that you can do this, but if you are then I say go for it! My husband and I have decided to do this as a couple... our first "gig" is this weekend. We couldn't be more excited and the parents couldn't be more pumped about the free babysitting! :)
4.) All those things you won't be able to do once you have kids... do them NOW!
This one sounds like a no-brainer, but I constantly have to remind myself of it. I tend to focus so much on the next phase in life that I forget to enjoy the part where it's just the two of us. Even as I type this I'm feeling like I should stop writing this post and go plan that trip to Vegas we always talk about. YOLO, right?! :) Just make it your goal to be able to look back in 20 years and think "Wow, that was a really hard time, but we had a lot of fun and made some great memories while it was just the two of us!".
5.) Learn to be patient and content.
Patience and contentment are two things I never had before infertility! I am so thankful that I'm finally learning these qualities. They go hand in hand with that perfect peace and true happiness that is mentioned in Isaiah 26:3. Patience and contentment will help you be a better wife, a better friend, and someday a better mama. Learning these lessons might taste like a bitter lemon now, but I promise they'll produce a lifetime of the sweetest lemonade you've ever had!
6.) Use this time to prepare for the future.
The plus side of seemingly being the last one to start a family? You have more time to plan, observe, and save! That baby WILL eventually be here (whether it be through conception or adoption), and when that day comes you'll probably wish you had more time to prepare! Take advantage of this season of life to gain wisdom, set financial goals, and prepare for that day when God says "It's a go!".
7.) Be an inspiration to others.
When you go through a trial you will fall into one of two categories... discouraging and sad or brave and inspiring. I know we all want to be the latter, and with God's help and a whole lotta effort we can do it! You don't have to let this thing called infertility define who you are. Be better than that. That doesn't mean you can't be real with people when you're hurting or that you can't have a bad day. It doesn't mean you're super woman 100% of the time... it just means you do your best, you keep your head held high, and you don't give up. Be someone that motivates people to be thankful for what they have, because you're thankful with much less. Be THAT person. Don't settle for having to suck on a bitter lemon. Go to the grocery store, buy some sugar, and make lemonade!
