Today's post will serve a couple of purposes. I would like to give a short summary of what has transpired over the past year for those of you that may not have read my blog from the beginnning. I also want to share what my diagnosis is and explain the details of what I am dealing with so that you will understand the process.
Exactly a year ago (May 2012), Darren and I decided we were ready to start trying to expand our family. To be honest, I was ready the day we said "I Do", but our comprimise was to wait until our 1 year wedding anniversary. We conceived fairly quickly... it was July which was only our third month of trying. We were obviously thrilled and immediately told our parents and siblings. It was all I could do not to tell EVERYONE I knew, but we had already agreed we would wait until the 2nd trimester "just in case" we were to miscarry. I never really imagined that would happen. We got our BFP (big fat positive) on August 8th. I was 5 1/2 weeks along. On August 11th the miscarriage began and on August 12th I lost my baby. I was exactly 6 weeks into the pregnancy.
Losing our baby was the hardest thing that both Darren and myself have ever went through. We held onto the hope that we would be able to conceive again quickly. My period came like the doctor predicted about 5 1/2 weeks after the miscarriage. The next cycle was longer though... it took 6 weeks to come. The next was even longer. I knew something was wrong, but my OBGYN just kept telling me to be patient, but after that month my cycles completely stopped. The doctor tested for thyroid issues, but that came back negative. She then prescribed medicine to induce a cycle and additional drugs to kick start ovulation. It didn't work. She said that she was highly doubtful that I had it, but thought she should test for PCOS just in case. PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Most women with this condition are overweight and have had irregular periods. I fit neither of those criteria, but she tested anyway. Meanwhile I went on another round of the same hormone drugs as the previous cycle.
When the results came back, they were somewhat inconclusive, but my OBGYN was leaning towards the belief that I did indeed have PCOS. A couple weeks later when we found out the second round of medicine didn't work we called a specialist. He was also doubtful that I had PCOS, but ordered an ultrasound to check my ovaries as confirmation. I was in Walmart (of all places) when the nurse called with the results and confirmed that I did indeed have the condition. In her words... "Your ovaries are covered with cysts". Fabulous. So now what?
I'm sure you're thinking "Ok, so they can remove the cysts, right?". Nope. Not these kind. They are so tiny that they are impossible to remove. Basically what they are doing is keeping my eggs from maturing and being released (ovulation) which is what normal ovaries do each month. There are some medications that help fight the cysts and induce ovulation, but they don't always work for everyone. Clomid is one of these drugs, but unfortunately it didn't have an affect on me. This next cycle we will be trying Femara.
So goes my life! I never imagined that this would happen. The biggest dream I ever had was to be a mother and knowing that I may never be able to bear my own children is crushing. I am trying to remain hopeful, but when you are in the middle of something like this it's hard to rest assured that it's all going to work out fine. I am thankful that God has given me the grace that He has thus far. Without Him I don't know how I would have been able make it past what I have already been through.
Darren and I appreciate all of your prayers! I know there are so many of you that are lifting our names up to God on a daily basis and I am so grateful for that. I want you all to know that I'm not writing any of this to gain pity, but rather so you can know how to pray and so you can gain some insight on what goes on with women who face infertility. I want to try to be a voice for the millions of ladies that face this horrible situation. Thanks for hanging in there with me! I can't wait until the day I get to announce that God has given us a baby! That may be a miracle that He performs in me or via the institution of adoption. Regardless, I can't wait to rejoice and I hope you'll be there to celebrate with me!